The Power Of Pause
The Art of Shifting Habits
“People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.” -F.M. Alexander
2020, how you gonna be?
I can’t control the weather, traffic, if someone’s being unfair, what the President is doing, and so much else.
Here are three crucial things that are up to me:
How I choose to spend my time.
How I choose to use my energy.
How I choose to value my self, and in relation to others.
This morning, it’s New Year’s Day and I realize I wasn’t able to develop all the best new habits I wanted to last year. I was going to write every day, meditate every day, cut down on social media, cut down on coffee, do more cardio weekly, dance daily, and keep everything organized and clean all of the time.
So what about this year? Is it gonna be different? What’s it gonna take for me to finish that book? To put out all the content I’ve been working on? To dance every day because I know it’s possible. It’s only 5 minutes! I know in my heart of hearts that my body, mind, and soul would benefit.
Where do those minutes go? How do I protect them?
What’s it gonna take for me to break that habit?
It seems almost too simple but what’s become increasingly clear is that so much is dependent on how I choose to respond to a given stimulus.
It means I have to say no, with a pause.
I’ve dedicated my life to learning how my brain and body work (together), and teaching others how to become more consciously aware of their habits in both body & mind. Because when it comes down to it, all we have control over is our actions and reactions.
I’m not saying that all of life comes down to stimulus and response. But let’s think about some ways that it does.
When it’s time to get up, I have two choices:
UNCONSCIOUS HABIT:
Automatically grab my phone and start scrolling, finding myself losing time inside the vortex of social media and emails. Without thinking, that’s just what happened when I woke up, boom, phone in hand, then…time goes inside there.
-OR-CONSCIOUS CHOICE:
Pause. Realize I have a habit of wanting to grab my phone, but instead, decide not to, just yet. Instead of automatically going into a habit I’m working on changing, I take a moment.
That’s where choice comes in.
Good news:
After some days of not grabbing my phone, which used to be an automatic reaction, it starts becoming easier and easier.
(Let’s talk neural pathways on another date).
Now, when I wake up the first thing I think about is breathing and noticing what’s around me. I let the breath come in and out, and look around, taking in my surroundings. I think about releasing my jaw. And I spend about a minute being present with my breath and senses, and releasing, ONLY ABOUT A MINUTE, and that shifts the course of my day already.
Because I was looking around, I notice I left a cup, and I get up and take the cup to the kitchen. I still haven’t touched my phone.
At some point I will check my phone, but what will be different is that it will be a deliberate choice, not an unconscious reaction.
In this scenario the stimulus is waking up and the phone. The choice is to *not* go for the phone, and what happens instead is that I’m responding to other environmental stimuli — the smells, the sounds, what I see. The next stimulus that leads me to action is the cup.
HABITS
So here we are, at another juncture of potential change. Do I choose to pick the cup up and take it to the sink? (The good habit I’m trying to develop). Or, do I leave it there? (The habit challenge I’m trying to work on).
Side note: I like to say “habit challenge” rather than “bad habit.” Calling it “bad” feels bad and I’d rather be motivated by the reality that this is a challenge I’m actively working on. Sometimes, when it’s a deep cut, a really old pattern, I call it a “shadow habit.”
So, back to the cup.
If I went straight into my habit challenge of grabbing the phone, I would have been on my phone for a little while. That would have directed me differently. Drawing on past experience, I will likely be so visually drawn into the phone that I won’t notice the cup. You get the idea. How it can snowball in different directions.
By simply saying “no” to the shadow habits and the habit challenges that have taken my time in the past, I am better able to spend my time and use my energy the way that I’ve intended.
Hence, the importance of bringing these unconscious habits up to the surface.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
― C.G. Jung
TRY THIS:
If you’re not waiting for any urgent texts, the next three times your phone goes off, can you pause and notice what your body feels like? Notice your breath and surroundings. Just take a moment, think up along your spine and think of releasing. Then, as you do go to reach for your phone, take your time.
This stimulus reaction can act as a microcosm for everything.
Pausing opens into a vital space.
In that pause between stimulus and unconscious reaction, there is the space to choose wisely how to respond.
https://www.instagram.com/mindbody.grace
As you exercise your power of pause, you might find yourself flexing that muscle in other aspects of your life, before you respond to someone’s comment or before you enter a room.
Here’s a little 1 min video I made for you on the subject:
HOW TO WAKE UP.
Let me know how this goes for you.
In alignment,
Deena
Originally published in Medium, Body Wisdom: Where mind and body are one. A publication about health, well-being, personal development, optimal functioning and performance.